Fischer Kondowe’s ‘trip’ to Parliament


So, Fischer Anong’a Kondowe wants to have a go at Parliament in the 2019 elections? So, he wants to contest in Blantyre City South Constituency? Here is what I think [of his journey to Parliament, and this— the issue about the journey— is a figment of my imagination although his intention is real; for he has announced that he wants to contest on a Malawi Congress Party (MCP) ticket].
DISCLAIMER: Why do you think he is interested in running for office in Blantyre City South Constituency? Allow me to offer my views while, at the same time, imagining what could be going on in the mind of Fischer right now. It will be confusing at times because there will be no clear distinction between what I am saying and what is coming from the mind of the imaginary Fischer. I am just thinking aloud. He could probably be thinking thus:
The moment one gets out of breath – read, retire from active sports— with running (on Match Day, of course, and during training sessions), they can stop [I mean, after being elected by people] at Parliament Building and pant a little, while the rest of the country calls them Honourable Members of Parliament.
But there is a problem when people retire from a ‘hard’ endeavor to a ‘soft’ conceit that is law-making. Is law-making a soft conceit? You may ask. Yes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
So, maybe, Fischer may, once elected, be busy reflecting that running up and down – on the pitch— was not a pleasant thing since he earned his cash the hard way. I mean, Malawian football clubs— most of them, I mean— are fond of making promises and, then, failing to fulfill such promises.
The other day, Fischer threatened to walk out on Big Bullets, actually, after the club reportedly failed to give him his signing-on fee. The rest is history.
Well, with Fischer’s soccer career visibly on a downward spiral, all he could be thinking is that his miseries – ignited by the prospects that he may soon abandon the soccer pitch that has sustained him for years– are about to reach a ‘pitch’ at which The Parliament Building is his only refuge.
So, all he could probably be thinking is: I will run straight away from the soccer pitch till I get to The Parliament Building through the ballot. There, at the building, will certainly be cash goodies I need not run up-and-down-the-pitch-for to get. Yes, there (at The Parliament Building), I will be safe from the rest of rival football fans who found fault with me all the time! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Of course, he will think of all the love he got from club coaches such as Gilbert Chirwa, Kinnah Phiri, Eddington Ng’omano, Mabvuto Lungua, Elia Kananji, Gerald Phiri, Rodgers Yasin, Lloyd Nkhwazi as he runs along (his eyes set on The Parliament Building), but he will reconcile himself to the idea of parting with them by determining that he would secretly send them letters just to let them know that he was happy and inspired while under their watch- emphasising that he will always love them so much, as long as he lives.
Putting these thoughts behind, Fischer continues running, in this imaginary marathon, stopping, now and then, to pan; stopping to pant every time he gets out of breath. Fischer is so busy running that he hardly notices that 2019 Tripartite Elections day came two days ago and quietly disappeared into the annals of history. Who could blame him for failing to observe it? (Three days before election day in 2019, President Peter Mutharika announced on State-sponsored Malawi Broadcasting Corporation Television as well as Radio 1 and 2 that election day would be a public holiday; with the President’s communications’ team emphasising that it had pleased Hisr Excellency, Professor Arthur Peter Mutharika, to declare it a holiday, and that, without him, there was nobody who would have declared the day a public holiday. Long Live the President, the announcer’s voice blared at the end of the public announcement). Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Nobody could, indeed, blame Fischer because he never met anyone on the road as he ran towards Parliament Building. In fact, in his haste for The Parliament Building, he forgot to pack his portable radio in his Big Bullets-labelled bag! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Today is election day. It is 2019. The Tripartite Elections took place two days ago. Malawi Electoral Commission (Mec) officials have been lazy. How come the results are still not coming through, three days after the elections? No wonder, MCP presidential candidates Lazarus Chakwera, is demanding “to know the truth” and is fuming at the mouth, demanding the release of Parliamentary and Presidential results. They have learned, from the General Election of 1999, 2004, 2009 and 2014 that these ‘delays’ are a sign of gathering gloom on the Tripartite Elections field. More specifically, it is the incumbent president’s quietness that gives them a sense of something hideously preternatural looming. At once, they develop the timidity of an active imagination.
Fischer does not care. He is so sure that he will get into The Parliament Building this time around, and keeps on running. Stopping here and there to pant and renew his energies. Then, he sees The Parliament Building from afar. His destination is in sight. He can see one heavily-guarded gate leading into The Parliament Building’s parking lot. He has heard, as he vied for the Blantyre City South Parliamentary seat, that our friendly friends, the Chinese, put up one massive hell of a building at the City Centre in Lilongwe. Maybe the guards will deny him the opportunity to get in at this hour. But, this afternoon, after Mec chairperson Jane Ansah makes the life-changing announcement about who has won and who has fallen, he will ‘earn’ his right of entry. It must be today, Fischer assures himself.
…To be continued in my next entry

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