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Fischer’s ‘trip’ to Parliament

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Continued from last week

“Using powers vested in me as chairperson of the Electoral Commission,” Ansah addresses an ecstatic audience at Comesa Hall Tally Centre in Blantyre, “I…”.

The air is heavy. The moment is here; to be lived, liked or hated.

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“Aaaaah, sorry ladies and gentlemen,” Ansah says, to the bewilderment of the Comesa Hall audience. “We

apologise, but we forgot to include the Parliamentary results for Blantyre City South Constituency.”

As Fischer walks towards The Parliament Building gate in Lilongwe, he eavesdrops a fiery debate among the three guards at the gate.

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“These folks are something else. How can they forget to announce the results of Blantyre City South Constituency and, then, hold the nation to ransom by delaying the results of the presidential election. Fotseki! Who do these people take us for?”

“Hey,” Fischer interrupts the guards. “What’s wrong with the Blantyre City South Constituency results. Are they saying…”

“Shut up you Rasta (man). Let’s get the Parliamentary results from Blantyre City South Constituency [from the radio] first. The chairperson of the Electoral Commission is about to announce now.”

They give Fischer an old, brown sack to sit on. There is no chair for him to sit in. Only the guards are sitting in chairs. The radio set is placed some five metres away, at a distance safe enough (for the radio set) to be left

‘alone’, but close enough to everyone’s ears.

“Fischer Kondowe of Big Nyerere Progressive Front is the winner with 7, 689 votes. He is seconded by …”

Fischer has no time to listen.

He commands the security guards to take him on a tour of The Parliament Building and show him the chair he will be sitting in once he takes the oath of office. Actually, he starts to, loudly, thank the Chinese government for constructing the state-of-the-art building.

Had he known how good the Chinese are, he would, surely, have been using Chinese medicine every time he got injured as a Big Bullets and national football team player. But those days, the days he used to mesmerise fans with his skills, are gone.

But the guards rebuff him, with one of them bluntly telling him to contact the Office of the Speaker of the National Assembly. Angry, Fischer nearly slaps one of the guards, calling him a filthy, old man who deserves a place at a shelter for the aged at Chifunga in Neno— he is probably talking about Neno Shelter for the Aged, managed by the Association of Progressive Women along the Blantyre-Mwanza Road. The guard does not take this

insult lying down, and jumps on Fischer, throwing him to the ground.

Fischer tries to wrestle with him, but realises he has run out of energy.

The running. The running. It has left him so exhausted that he can’t even push an old man off his body! Sure, he will need five years to rest and regain his energy. He will need to relocate to another constituency so that his constituents will not drag him into exhaustion with their “unreasonable” requests! Aaah, he realises that

the Electoral Commission chairperson’s announcement has made him wiser now

…To be continued in my next entry

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