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From mimickers to athletes

It must take more than faith for Mr Malawi and crew to believe that they can take their trade anywhere, anytime.

Of course, we know how Mr Malawi and company— I mean, Aunt Geti and Atcheya— have taken Malawi by storm, enchanting thousands with their art.

When Atcheya wears the cap of the real Atcheya of the United Democratic Front— who doesn’t know that he presided over the affairs of this country of the lake? — to speak and gesticulate like the BCA Hill resident, any sense of political affiliation dries up and everyone enjoys the show.

The same applies to Aunt Geti, who, really, fits in the shoes of former president Joyce Banda well. That is despite that this Aunt Geti fella is male! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Need I talk about Mr Malawi, the mimicker of Chitsulo cha njanji— I mean, the visionary Bingu? Mr Malawi is something else.

Just last Thursday, Biggie Biggie Sam Banda Jnr was showing me a video interview he conducted with the three. Now, unlike the original presidents they mimic— the likes of Bingu, Bakili and Joyce; presidents who sometimes dined together but mostly never ate from the same plate— Atcheya, Aunt Geti and Mr Malawi stood on the same ground when Biggie Biggie Sam Banda Jnr was interviewing them.

One after another, they talked about how great it was that they attended the event they attended! Guess what, they did not speak as themselves— I mean, Aunt Geti speaking as Kenwood Sambalika; Atcheya speaking as Frank Naligonje and Mr Malawi speaking as Snowden Tembo— but as the people they adore.

They spoke as the mimicked would speak in a proper interview and it was entertaining.

And that got me thinking like, now that the 2019 tripartite elections are around the corner, would Mr Malawi hold an activity— I mean, entertainment activity— in the Central Region, where opposition supporters outnumber ruling party ones?

Imagine that it is a week before the May 21 2019 tripartite elections. The Malawi Electoral Commission has officially closed the campaign period.

I can imagine Mr Malawi standing on stage at Lilongwe Community Centre Hall and, just after introducing himself, unruly youths shouting at him to get down the stage.

“Mfana, ukutiyambatu [You are rubbing us the wrong way]!” The youth would say and, sensing danger, Mr Malawi would run to Lilongwe Bus Depot as quickly as athlete Usain Bolt, as vendors shout: Ameneyo! [There he is, catch him]! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Not to be outdone, Aunt Getu goes to Goliyati in Thyolo to hold an entertainment event. You know, it is not often that Aunt Getu performs at Goliyati in Thyolo— the hub of the ruling party.

In fact, he has never performed there.

Aunt Geti is about to start entertaining the people, some of whom have never heard him strut his stuff. The moment they hear something like Joyce’s voice, they are like: “Mtopolatu uwu. Akupala dala moto [He is tempting us]”.

Hearing that, Aunt Geti looks left, right, centre— apparently searching for the nearest kabaza [bicycle taxi] operator. Unlike the real Joyce, Aunt Geti runs like a man— the man he is. You know, Dear Life is so dear to all of us. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Well, you know these presidential mimickers are fun. So, Atcheya thinks it is fun to be chased around— in the manner the Ngoni of Bembeke in Dedza District chase huluku [duiker] in the bushes of Munguwatsanja in Mozambique.

And, so, he decides to go to Bolero in Rumphi, fully aware that the Alliance for Democracy (Aford) is planning a comeback into Parliament. It is a week before the May 21 2019 tripartite elections, remember.

Everything starts well. They even give him a pot of cooked bananas before the performance starts.

And, then, everything is set. Atcheya produces that inimitable voice of Atcheya of BCA and people are like, “So, he is here to campaign? Let us beat the hell out of him!”

But Atcheya has sharp ears and quickly starts imitating Member of Parliament Frank Mwenifumbo, who recently queried Parliament for overlooking Aford during contribution time. But the people at the event say it is too late to change colours.

Mayi o mayi [goodness me], Atcheya takes to his feet, forgetting that he came by car. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

What do I mean? I mean, some artistic endeavours are seasonal. You cannot go about mimicking someone in a place they are hated. You risk being chased like kalulu the hare!

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