There is a crop of some ‘gentlemen’ very loquacious and always boasting of their fat wallets and yet likes gate-clashing at parties.
The tendency has reached alarming levels, more so now when the economy is not very friendly to the majority of Malawians.
This is why the crew has decided to debate this subject today, as we also plan for a party to celebrate the birthday of one of our own, Lackson.
“We need to come up with terms of reference for this party. Guys, let us make it the best of all parties and to achieve that we need to put checks and balances to avoid the ‘usual fellas’ who use their talking skills to earn free tickets into parties,” Happiness kicks-off the debate, promising to contribute K10,000 towards the party.
We all clap hands, praising him for the contribution which pace-sets more generous contributions towards the same.
“Aliyense asonkhe zosachepera K6,000 (each one of us must contribute not less than K6,000)”, I say as I dish out K7,000 to Happison, who from the look of things, has been made an automatic treasurer.
As the rest of the Crew tries to outpace each other in their contribution, we start discussing how to deal with gate crashers.
Top on the list are two gentlemen who have earned a reputation around town of being the first to patronise parties despite not contributing even a single kwacha. Of course, there are also others who are fast becoming experts in this game of gate-clashing by using one trick after another.
“Look, this Jimesi fella, the one who always boasts around drinking places that he is a son of a tycoon, has always brought over two ladies to parties. He only drinks ciders and the same mostly applies to his lady companions – yet abwana amenewa ali ndi mkono ngati wa tipoti, satha kutambasula dzanja kuti alipire ku party (this man is so stingy that he does not contribute anything to party organisers yet he drinks like fish in water),” Lackson says whiles attracting laughter from many people around.
He goes on to describe the second ‘arch-gate crasher’ – a young man who drives a posh vehicle and is a party frequenter. When you get him at the parties, you are left with an impression that he is one of those who have done the bulk of financing the do [party].
“One time I gave him all the respect, thinking that he is behind the purchasing of the beers we were guzzling and the snacks we were chewing. Later, I was shocked to learn that he was just a gate-clasher when the organisers kicked him out of the party because he had picked up a quarrel with some lady patron….it was really shameful,” sums up Lackson.
We immediately resolve not to allow such characters to patronise our party.
“But how do we deal with lady gate-clashers?” I ask.
To my surprise, the rest of the crew scorns and laughs at me.
“My brother, there is nothing like ‘a lady gate-clasher’. Actually we need more of the ladies at the party even if they don’t pay… the women folk are a healthy ingredient to any party; and let me promise that I will drive to Lunzu and Hanover Street to pick about six of them to spice up our night!” exclaims Lackson, earning a stare of Atsogoleri Rob M, who tries to factor in his religious beliefs that drinking sprees must be minus ‘Leisure Assistants’.
Some guy sitting nearby on a stool by the counter joins our debate uninvited.
“Akulu akulu anzanuwo safuna kumamwa waulere mwadala, zinthu zavuta, matumba awonda awa (guys, your friends don’t gate-cash the beer parties out of habit, things are not OK economically). Actually we should brace for more of such characters, even in these bars many of our friends have been reduced to habitual beer beggars!” he says.
That sparks another debate on whether people should continue begging beer from friends in bars or just stop drinking all together.
“The bad economy is just a scape-goat, some of these people are just stingy, they want to drink everyday yet they don’t want to spend. They are just the same as our friends who gate-crash parties,” observes Lackson.
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