Hanging out: Upcoming lucrative business in town


Atsogoleri’ Rob M is telling us how men have sunk so low as to behave very ‘stupidly’ even in public and in the presence of their spouses and children.

“Imagine this other man in town, deemed respectable in the social circles, behaving shamelessly at a wedding of his long-time friend and church-mate. Whether it was out of stupidity, lust or drunkenness, what this guy did is a good example of the extremes men goes to satisfy their desires! Zafodya, zachamba basi [crazy things only normally done by cannabis sativa smokers]!” says ‘Atsogoleri’.

“What is it now, boss?” the bulk of the crew asks in amazement.


‘Atsogoleri’ gets the bottle he is holding to his lips and sips twice.

“Imagine, this man, under the guise of kufupa, decides to offend more eyes present. He takes his K100 bank notes and starts loading them in the cleavage of the brides’ wedding gown while fondling her boobs.

“At first, the people around get excited that ‘a friend of the groom’ is indeed welcoming an in-law, he dances and dances to the extreme. He, then, not only pours the bank notes, but goes a step further to insert his own hand [or is it palm] down the cleavage; he is seen squeezing parts of the breasts – mind you, he does it in a way one would think he is showcasing the loaded wads of cash and only doing his friend a favour by helping him celebrate the wedding,” sums up ‘Atsogoleri’.


Lackson shakes his head before interrupting him. “No, that is not possible, how can a sane person behave like that? Osampatsa makofi bwaa? [Why not slap him]?”

Some lady patron, obviously a new customer at this joint shocks us. She not only joins the debate, but challenges us that we have never seen crazier things in town.

“Do you know that many men’s morals have gone to the dogs? Do you know that it would be better to trust a pig or dog than some of the people we deem to be good examples in the society? Wachita n’zanuzo n’zochepa; don’t condemn him outright!” she says, exclaiming.

“What!” asks Joe, getting closer to the lady we don’t know.

“By the way, you can call me Sheena, of course I am not the Queen of the jungle. What I will tell you here will make you think twice of condemning ‘Atsogoleri’ Rob M’s friend,” she starts her talk.

She says: “Guys, men, I mean important men in the society, have gone heywire. They are doing things that if their respective wives knew, divorce cases would escalate more than a vehicle speed revolution.”

With that, she does the unexpected. She orders a round for all members of the crew and about five other souls in this joint.

“Guys, let me tell you of an upcoming lucrative business in town. There are some ladies that have found a potential business environment in town – they spot around for men; who because of their reputation, cannot go around hooking young girls in pubs, girls hostels or locations. Mukundimva?

We are all confused in the pub, not exactly knowing what her line of business is.

She goes on in her talk: “I believe in talking through examples, what I want to do will leave you properly educated and informed in the ‘stupidity’ that some of you men are!”

With that, she fetches her Galaxy Tab phone gadget from her handbag. She dials a number and places the call on ‘Hands Free’ mode.

Someone from the other end, listed as ‘Big Man Wamkulu’ answers.

“Hello Sheena, what a coincidence? I was about to call you that I am in Blantyre and I need the usual business. This time around, someone with a bit of fresh, not the bonny one of last time – mind you, I am not saying she was entirely bad, but as you know, typical with me, I need a change every day!’ the guy on the other end of the line almost exclaimed.

“Don’t worry Bae, there is someone already hot and real hot. But as usual, I need an upfront payment, my fee and hers. It is up to you to add more than the set price, if you find the consignment to be more than your usual taste, which I believe it is,” says Sheena, let us just meet at that filling station we met last time.

With that Sheena orders a round of three for each of us, telling us all she is coming shortly. Surprisingly, the bar man does not argue.

Ndi dilu mayi ameneyu!” the bar man says.

Ten minutes later, she alights from a taxi, shows us a wad of K1,000 notes.

“This is K50,000..and the one who was on the phone was a very senior government official. I delivered the girl and he is happy the stress he accrued during a hot top level meeting, would vanish… now, that is Malawi for you!”

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