By Patrick Achitabwino:
Imagine people focus on your ability to make it great. Imagine people complement the few contributions you make in discussions than just watering them down that they are nonsense.
Imagine they do not judge you for the errors and faults of the past but accord you the opportunity to rebrand and move forward. Surely you could achieve to the surprise of yourself and you will dazzle the world than everyone would have expected.
But there has to be a reciprocity to this wish. Change the angle to the others. Imagine if you were to fault the others less and complement them more. Imagine if every time people feel distressed they rush to you for words of comfort and encouragement. Imagine if people are driven by passion to confess to you their faults and weaknesses with the hope and anticipation that you will channel their lives in the right direction.
The paradox of all paradoxes is that we expect other people to hear us out, to forgive us, to give us second chances, to concentrate on that which we can and do better but on the other hand we are unable to take the same trajectory in reference to others. We shout. We rule them out. We kill their confidence and ideas.
A Buddhist monk narrates a very interested teaching story of the honeybee and the fly. The story is that the honey bee flies from flower to flower, extracting only the nectar without disturbing the flower. Even in a place filled with rotten garbage, rather than giving its attention to all the filth, the honey bee keeps its focus on finding nectar and it eagerly flies to even a single tiny flower amidst miles and miles of garbage.
On the other hand, on an otherwise healthy body, the fly will focus on sucking an infectious scab. The fly may travel over hundreds of flowers, but what does it focus on? It focuses on tasting garbage and excrement. It ignores the sweet fragrance of rose gardens and even in the best of circumstances, and in the tidiest places, the fly will focus on the trash.
The two insects offer us humans great lessons in managing our relationships, be it in a family, working place or any other social and professional gatherings. We better embody the mindset of the honeybee which is the art of focusing on the positives and dealing appropriately with the faults in each other.
Truth be told, there will be faults everywhere and in everyone, there is never a shortage of things to complain about, but just as the honeybee seeks nectar even in the most unexpected of places, we can aim to seek the positive qualities in those around us.
The fly brings in lessons that, always, we should resist to embody. The fly represents the mindset of ignoring the good qualities of those around us, and focusing on their faults. It is so easy, it requires no effort to see the flaws in others. Fault finding is a habit, the more we give in to it, the more we become obsessed by it.
We can make our lives better if we focus on appreciating the positives while dealing with the negatives in a gracious, constructive manner.
In fact, if you decide to start looking at people differently, to take cognisance of what they can achieve than what they cannot achieve, you will bring the best out of them, you will empower them to be the best and the best they will become.
When you start seeing the good in people, people also start seeing the good in you. Eventually the combined sum of all your goodness makes life better, making the working environment become a paradise, makes all your social gatherings to be harmonious.