Inspiration: Overcome those insecurities

Tom Sangala February 27, 2016

296 3 minutes read

We all deal with insecurity at some point or another; it’s a natural way to try and gauge whether our ventures will be successful or end badly for us. In the case of trying to decide whether or not to visit Sapitwa or conquer Chikwakwa on a motorbike, this is a very good quality. But in daily life, being too insecure to attempt even small tasks, such as speaking honestly to friends, limits your ability to enjoy the time you have on earth. Life is constantly changing and anything that is stable today may be broken or gone tomorrow. But if you make yourself powerful, you can always rebuild, overcome, and keep moving forward by your own will, and find happiness wherever you go.

Practice being objective

If you are feeling like you can’t accomplish something, take a step out of yourself for a moment and imagine you are a completely different person. Think about what you would tell another person in your situation. For example, if you’re nervous about going to a party where you don’t know a lot of people or are interviewing for a new job, think about the advice you would give a person in a similar situation. If you look at it this way, you’ll see that there’s nothing to be scared about and that you will succeed if you put your mind to it.

Write down your fears

Write down all of the things that you are worried about, and all of the factors that make you feel like you can’t accomplish a thing. Read them over and ask yourself how many of them are rational, and how many are just a product of negative thinking. Take the time to really think of what’s at the root of your fears — whether it’s making a fool of yourself, disappointing your parents, or not having the life you want. It’s perfectly natural to be afraid of failure or of coming off looking bad. Everybody has these fears from time to time. It’s unnatural, however, to be so plagued with worry that you feel like you can’t get a single thing done.

Remember all of the success you’ve had. Instead of focusing on all the times you embarrassed yourself, failed at something, or just looked silly, you should take a long hard look at all the times that you’ve done really well. Think of the success you’ve had in school, the great friendships you’ve maintained, or just of random times when you made a group of people crack up because of your winning sense of humor. The more great times you remember, the more confidence you’ll have that you can have more of them in the future.

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” And be realistic with your answer. If you get a new haircut and a few people don’t like it, then it won’t be the end of the world. If you absolutely hate it, then guess what — hair grows. Don’t let these silly worries stop you from trying something different. Once you realise that the worst isn’t really that bad, you’ll be more likely to be dynamic and to take risks.

Now ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen?” This is something insecure people don’t do nearly enough. Let’s say you’re nervous about going on a first date with someone you’re set up with. The best thing that can happen is that you and the person hit it off, and begin a meaningful and satisfying relationship. Isn’t this worth going on the date for? Though the best thing ever isn’t always likely to happen, having it on the table can help you approach new tasks with a positive mindset.

Remember your positive qualities. To keep yourself feeling secure, you need to keep your positive qualities in the forefront of your mind. Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself, from your friendliness to your intelligence, and keep it at the forefront of your mind whenever you engage with someone. Insecure people tend to focus only on the worst parts about themselves, which leads them to feel unhappy with who they are.

Practice positive self-talk

It is especially hard to notice negative self-talk if you have been doing it for a long time. If you’re always telling yourself that you’re a loser, a failure, or that you can’t do anything right, then you’re bound to feel that way forever. Instead, work on telling yourself positive things about yourself so you’re more likely to attack new tasks with a healthy mindset and a desire to do well.

Question why you tell yourself no

Start saying yes more often. Instead of telling yourself all the reasons why you want to say no to a new experience, try running through what might happen if you said yes. Even if all of your no answers are true, the yes scenario could lead to new and unexpected things. If you get a little hurt after saying yes to a new experience, you can recover and you have a new experience under your belt than if you had simply said no. If nothing comes of it at all, you can be happy to think that you are the kind of positive and outgoing person who is willing to try new things.