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The right reasons

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Marriages are falling apart at alarming rate. The faster the weddings go, the faster divorces are coming. Are we getting married for the right reasons?

I am sure everybody can agree with me that sometime back weddings were a rare ceremony. The same can hardly be said for recent years though. Every other weekend one hears of multiple weddings taking place. Maybe the ever-growing population is a contributing factor; just too many of us on planet earth nowadays.

Reproduction and procreation aside, I have come to also notice that weddings have become very flamboyant events, sometimes unnecessarily considering that most people are deep in debt by the time they are able to pull off a wedding. A wedding is a big event that involves a lot of logistics, yes it is not easy.

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It is amusingly ironic that this event that requires so much and involves a lot of planning just lasts a few hours. A year of planning only for a few hours execution; life sure can be interesting sometimes. It is, therefore, not surprising that most people end up having the wedding as their sole focus and goal and forget what the wedding actually symbolises; the union of man and woman in matrimony otherwise known as marriage.

Half the time more attention is paid to having a wedding other than building a relationship that will lead to a good and strong marriage after the “wedding”. Couples get caught up in this trap of focusing on the wedding ceremony and forget all else. The target is to get to the wedding ceremony, hence life after the wedding not placed as a priority rather as an afterthought.

On the other hand, we have relatives and parents and friends fussing about when they are going to attend a wedding ceremony. Most parents and relatives hardly care about knowing the partners their children or relatives are involved with as long as the end game is a wedding then it is fine. If a young woman meets a partner who talks about a wedding from scratch then he is a good man and automatically the relationship is labelled a good and serious relationship.

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We also have instances where a partner can see that the other party has some worrisome traits that are not healthy for the relationship but they sweep these under the rug banking on the illusion that once they have a wedding, the person shall automatically change these traits. Well if a person has not changed traits for months and years in a relationship, why should a few hours of a wedding ceremony change a person or the way the partners relate to each other in the relationship they have.

The relationship two people who might end up living together for the rest of their lives have is more important than a wedding and what other people outside the relationship want. A wedding is a symbolic ceremony for two people entering the institution of marriage while a relationship is the connect ion and understanding that is there between the two individuals regardless of what institution or ceremony surrounds them.

The tendency of extended interference by people that surround the couple usually has negative lasting impacts on them. It is counterproductive for couples to end up destitute as they enter marriage just because relatives wanted a show-off wedding. Couples should be given the opportunity to choose the kind of wedding they want within their means before people come in with a handful of ideas. After all, at the end of the day, the whole event is about the couple itself that will have to make a marriage work at the end of the day.

A relationship is what builds to a marriage and sustains a marriage. It is, therefore, of paramount importance that this relationship should be given maximum attention and respect by partners, relatives, parents and society at large. The focus and goal should not centre on a wedding ceremony when a disaster is looming on the other side of the wedding side. People should always consider if they are getting married for the right reasons.

A few hours will not make or break your marriage since there is a relationship before and after marriage. It does not matter how flashy and big your wedding ceremony is. If you have failed to sustain a good relationship before and after this ceremony, little progress and meaning is going to be there after the wedding.

I rest my case.

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