Women, take care of these prophets!


Why is it that it is mostly women subjected to some of the funny things that are synonymous with modern day famous prophets? We are talking of such funny prophet stuff like being sprayed with Doom or other similar things –in the name of Jesus!

This is the talk of our crew today. This is why we have gathered here at one of our new talk haven —Baghdad Pub, Mwanza —just to discuss this issue.

The convenor of the day is ‘Atsogoleri’ Rob M, who has bull-dozed his way to monopolise the power of chairing, just because the bulk of the Crew were his passengers on our way from Blantyre to this border district.


Of course, during our planning session, held as we shared Kanyenya at Zalewa, we resorted to tackle an issue that does not hinge on alcohol. Thanks to the wisdom of Lackson, we got this subject, which we termed: “Of women and false prophets”.

He starts by narrating how the media [or is it social media] has reported that a certain prophet in the gold haven that is South Africa, has been banned from using ‘Doom’ to exorcise evil spirits from people. This ‘man of God’ made people believe that the chemical, or whatever he called it in the name of the Holy One, could help save sinners and take them to Paradise.

“You know what,” says Atsogoleri, this is a pertinent topic. Realistically it is becoming too much of these so called prophets, taking advantage of either ignorance or kupepela kwa anthu, just because people are desperate for either salvation [of course largely prosperity], then they get subjected to all sorts of funny things?”


Atsogoleri, sumunama, zinanzi zanyanya [you are very right Atsogoleri these things are on the extreme edge! Just imagine these so called ‘Holy water, Holy Soap, all sorts of Holy useless things – some of these days people will be sold ‘Holy underwears’ or boxers,” says Joe, attracting laughter even from some nearby people that are not part of the Crew.

Happison, who has for long missed the Crew’s sessions asks to talk uninterrupted. Everyone is surprised that he has acted so, bearing in mind that the rules of the Crew’s talk do not give room for dominance of speech and talk time.

“What I wonder is that some of these so called Prophets , Apostles, have a palate for ministering mainly to women. They check around and find women that have problems in their homes, marital problems ..etc ,…and ministers only to such lot? They bring in scaring verses, intimidating them to only listen to their [prophets’] wisdom? Why not try men? Why not go and preach in market places or schools? is it because women are easily deceived or hoodwinked to believe in any ‘sweet-talk’? Why women easily fell for the trap to spend nights and nights on top of hills and mountains in the company of such questionable characters? Zovuta kwabasi!” Exclaimed Happison.

Ndiye mwalankhulatu atsogoleri [you have really spoken well bro]!” says ‘Atsogoleri’ Rob M, however saying it is not all prophets and apostles that are a commercial entity.

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