Mr Entertainer

When the Malawi Broadcasting Corporation organised the Entertainers of the Year event last month, I was sure that the Entertainer of Entertainers would be President Lazarus Chakwera. As things turned out, that was not the case and you can tell that I was disappointed beyond measure.

I expected him to claim that accolade because, if the truth were to be told, his sincerity in saying one thing while absolutely meaning the opposite is legendary.

It reminds me of comedy—which I describe as ‘twisted logic’; yes, you got me right, Richard Chirombo defines comedy as “twisted logic”. And I am speaking from experience; some of the so-called comedians cannot beat me at comedy, which is why, more than 20 times, I have been approached by project implementers to come up with concepts for comedy pieces and the like. So, I am a self-acclaimed comedian, too.

It reminds me of comedy because a real comedian should have the chutzpah to say something laughable while, when the need arises, remaining unaffected by it. That is, when people are in stitches, the comedian remains stone-faced.

I am saying all this to set the ground for what I am about to say.

I think Chakwera is our undisputed Mr Entertainer because he has a penchant for saying what he does not mean. Take, for instance, his campaign-trail promise to trim presidential powers. He told Malawians, in broad daylight, that he would be a different State President, one who would not be the chancellor of all public universities.

Surely, in so doing, he would depart from the Malawi political script.

Needless to say that it was a bad joke from the President who, maybe enchanted by power, which corrupts and sometimes corrupts absolutely, has done nothing—not even lifting a finger—to trim his powers.

Well, when Chakwera promised—again on the campaign trail—that he would be conducting assessments for members of his Cabinet, he was just making another bad joke anyway. He was, indeed, playing his usual game of, like the quintessential comedian who says one thing while meaning the opposite, all the while remaining aloof to the situation, making citizens believe in the impossible.

Today, he has done no such assessment, let alone pretended to have done one.

Instead, it has largely been the same old faces serving in his Cabinet; faces that have largely presided over failures in Affordable Inputs Programme implementation; same old faces that have watched, hands akimbo, while the fuel pumps ran dry in this country.

Yes, he has trusted the same old faces that have watched helplessly as the economy has been going bananas.

I mean, the same old faces that gave him misleading reports immediately after the June 10 2024 plane crash that killed State Vice President Saulos Chilima, former first lady Patricia Dzimbiri and seven others.

Surely, the President is my entertainer—a man who promises the moon and fails to deliver it.

Just this week—that is, on Wednesday—the President delivered a New Year message to a nation expectant with hope.

Then, while saying whatever he has planned not to achieve in the course of the year, he announced that he had tinkered with his Cabinet. Needless to say some people ‘speculated’ that, maybe, the President had made some radical changes.

I am not one of those who harboured thoughts bordering on such speculation because I knew it was foolhardy to expect a conservative man to make radical changes!

Still, some people who are yet to embrace the ‘joke’ believed that something earthshaking would happen. Well, the only surprises were the exclusion of Defence Minister [needless to say now former] Harry Mkandawire and Education Deputy Minister [needless to say former] Nancy Chaola Mdooko.

But, as if to insult Malawians further, the President created two ministries for education; one for Higher Education and other for Basic Education.

As if that blow was not painful enough to the taxpayer—who will have to foot the bill, be it for fuel, security, allowances and what have you, for new Cabinet ministers—it pleased the President to appoint deputy ministers for otherwise ‘less key’ ministries such as those of Water and Sanitation, Gender and other inconsequential ministries.

Maybe I should talk about some of the notable changes. Chakwera has appointed Lilongwe East Constituency Member of Parliament (MP) Ezekiel Ching’oma as new Homeland Security Minister, replacing Ken Zikhale Ng’oma, who has moved to the Ministry of Mining. Chakwera has also appointed Malawi Congress Party (MCP) spokesperson Jessie Kabwila as new Minister of Higher Education.

Chakwera has also promoted former deputy Minister of Local Government Owen Chomanika to a full ministerial position of Natural Resources and Climate Change, a portfolio previously held by State Vice President Michael Usi.

Further, Chakwera has roped in Democratic Progressive Party legislators Joyce Chitsulo and Benedicto Chambo as Deputy Minister of Local Government and Agriculture, respectively. He has also brought on board People’s Party lawmaker Noah Chimpeni and Patricia Nangozo Kainga as Deputy Minister of Health and Foreign Affairs, respectively.

Another new face in the Cabinet is Lilongwe South MP Peter Dimba, who is the new deputy Minister of Transport.

If that is what the word ‘earthshaking’ means, then let it be.

Otherwise, Chakwera was just playing one of those games; in other words, he was at it again, entertaining Malawians with the latest of his moves.

He has tinkered with his Cabinet while still thinking about parameters for ministerial assessments, a task he has been mulling over since June 23 2020, when the Malawi Electoral Commission announced that he was Malawian voters’ preferred president.

Well, for entertaining us with words that have largely meant nothing, I nominate the President as my undisputable Mr Entertainer. He has kept me entertained with his ironic statements all these years.